Top Ten: Spider-Man Costumes

I’ve been planning this feature for years. Spider-Man is my favorite superhero, and he’s worn plenty of iconic costumes throughout his history. Before jumping ahead, let’s establish some ground rules. First, the costumes on the list must be unique, not slight variations of other costumes. Only suits worn by characters identifying as Spider-Man are in consideration. If I opened up the list to Spider-Woman, Jessica Drew’s costume from the Ultimate universe would be a real contender (consider it a future Top Ten idea). Finally, the costume must be important enough to have multiple high quality images available online. The Bullet Points costume may have made this list, but it’s been sparingly used by Marvel. Here are some other honorable mentions that almost made the cut: Kaine, Iron Spider, Stealth Suit, MK3, and Bombastic Bag-Man. Alright, with the preamble out of the way, here are my favorite Spidey suits.

10. Programmable Matter Suit – First Appearance: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (2020)

This is the only costume on this list that doesn’t have a comic book origin. I haven’t yet played Spider-Man: Miles Morales (I will eventually), so I can’t say much about the suit’s backstory. But whoa, the programmable matter suit is killer. Its blocky design makes it look 8-bit inspired, and I’m into the idea of a Spider-Man that glows while he’s kicking butt. Red and black is a winning color combo, and you’ll see more of it as we continue along.

09. Captain Universe – First Appearance: The Amazing Spider-Man #329 (1990)

This pick doesn’t seem all that fair. It’s just a Captain Universe suit featuring a splash of Spider-Man’s mask. But I love it. I’m a fan of Marvel’s cosmic stories, and Spider-Man’s Captain Universe costume somehow manages to be both outrageously goofy and flamboyantly cool. I want to see this version of Spider-Man fighting alongside Nova in outer space. The Miles Morales version of this suit might look even better.

Top Ten: The Challenge One-and-Done Competitors

The Challenge has featured hundreds of competitors since its inception in 1998. One of its main draws is it features recurring cast members growing up together in a real-life soap opera. It’s rewarding to watch young bucks like Chris “CT” Tamburello and Derrick Kosinski change and mature over time.

But what about the flash in the pan competitors? Some competitors are too entertaining, too athletic, and way too fun to just disappear after one season. In this feature I’m counting down my favorite one-and-done competitors featured on The Challenge. For purposes of historic diversity, I limited myself to choosing only two competitors per season, one man and one woman (it still bums me out to leave Kelly Limp off the list). I gave preference to competitors who lasted through to the final, showed a strong desire to win, had a personality, and otherwise stood out from the pack in some meaningful way. It’s been difficult cutting out competitors like Heather B. Gardner, Mitch Reid, Brittini Sherrod, and Antoine de Bouverie, but I’m happy with my picks. We should have had more time with all of them.

Note: This list originally featured Teck Holmes, but he’s since been featured on The Challenge: All Stars. Adam Kuhn, welcome to the list!

10. Adam Kuhn (Battle of the Exes II, 2015)

Does anyone else remember Adam? Alongside his partner/ex-girlfriend Brittany Baldassari he won three eliminations on Battle of the Exes II before getting sent to Exile (where Johnny “Bananas” Devenanzio eliminated him for good). Adam looks like Superman, but he doesn’t act at all like a shy Clark Kent. During his time on Battle of the Exes II he performed a stripping routine, flipped Brittany upside down for a 69 style dance move, and overall gave off the stench of a type-A asshole. And that’s great. He could easily fill a Wes Bergmann type role, being the obnoxious young gun that brags about his good looks and penchant for winning. Apparently, Adam’s been spending time in Thailand doing some sort of fighting, and he looks lean and mean. Let’s get him back on TV so he can fight for a million bucks.

09. Ellen Cho (Battle of the Sexes, 2003)

I’m tired of fake drama and Twitter battles. Ellen brought none of that back in the early 2000s. In episode one of Battle of the Sexes she said “fuck you guys” to the inner circle and she later told David “Puck” Rainey his televised wedding was “just for show” and called him immature. Ellen never shied away from a fight. She also clawed her way into the inner circle and finished the season second in points behind superwoman Ruthie Alcaide. Ellen’s aggressive cheerleader personality sometimes rubbed people wrong, but she tried to act in her team’s best interest, even when her actions made waves. She’s a tough competitor, and I bet no one else in history has told Coral Smith “kiss my baby ass.” Puck told Ellen he would kick her ass, and Ellen told Coral to kiss hers. That’s legend status.

Top Ten: Podcasts

At some point in the last five years I started listening to podcasts more than I listen to music. It began with Serial (more on that below), and then I tried a variety of genres before solidifying my subscriptions. There are some I used to listen to that are now defunct (Why Oh Why and A Cast of Kings), and there are some mini-series I’d recommend (S-Town and The Dropout). The list below is narrowed down to ten, but I also subscribe to WTF with Marc Maron, ChallengeMania, and On the Line (they’re good, just not my favorites).

With that out of the way, here are my favorite podcasts, ranked from good to better.

10. Lore

Monsters, ghouls, aliens, they all fascinate me. Start telling a scary story and I’m all ears. Host Aaron Mahnke gleams history to find the most interesting stories to capture and disturb his listeners, and he’s an excellent storyteller. He’s the trusted voice speaking over the campfire assuring you this really happened. And if it didn’t happen, wouldn’t it be crazy cool if it did?

Listen to: “Episode 137: Elusive,” a retelling of the Kelly–Hopkinsville encounter when aliens invaded a farm in 1955 rural America.

09. Serial

With its first season Serial introduced thousands of people to the world of podcasts. The murder of Hae Min Lee revealed cracks in the criminal justice system and launched dozens of true crime podcasts. Seasons two and three didn’t recapture that same magic, but not every hit can be a grand slam. I would like to hear more of Sarah Koenig’s long-form reporting, so hopefully 2021 brings about a new season. At least for now we have Nice White Parents.

Listen to: “Episode 01: The Alibi,” the one that started it all.

Top Ten: Game of Thrones Armor

This month Game of Thrones returns for its final season, so this is a good time to take a look back at some of the best armor featured on the show. Now, I’m not an expert on armor or a medieval scholar, so I’m judging based on design, how it relates to a character/house, and pretty much how good it looks on whoever is wearing it. Multiple characters wear similar suits of armor on the show, and in those cases I picked my favorite amongst the bunch. Keep in mind I’m not ranking the characters themselves. Also, Kahl Drogo is one of the best fighters on the show, but I’m not considering his leather cummerbund as armor.

Alright, are we ready? Here are the armor clad warriors of Westeros and beyond who kick ass and look good doing it.

10. Vardis Egen (Knight of the Vale – House Arryn)

Unless you recently re-watched Game of Thrones, you may have forgotten about Ser Vardis. Way back in season one he fought Bronn in a trial by combat. Vardis looks like a knight from a different series, noble and sturdy. The pointed pattern on the armor keeps it from looking bland, and the closed helmet is a classic knight look, topped off with a single comb (which resembles a medieval Mohawk). None of that saved Vardis from Bronn though; the poor guy ended up taking a long fall down the Moon Door.

09. Jamie Lannister (Kingsguard – House Baratheon)

The Kingsguard of House Baratheon are mostly ceremonial. By the time the series begins, the kingdom is relatively peaceful, so shiny gold armor is in vogue at the capital. The color can look sort of gaudy and pompous, but it’s also unique and daring. The guy wearing gold armor is just asking for someone to challenge him, and the white cape adds superhero flair. Jaime looks like the ideal knight in shining armor, albeit one who sleeps with his sister on the side.

Top Ten: The Challenge Moments

Bill Simmons and I have something in common – we’re both big fans of MTV’s long running series The Challenge.  What started out as goofy fun has turned into something of a real sport (minus the pesky performance enhancing drug testing).  Most adults, I’m sure, grow out of watching MTV reality shows, which is why YouTube comments of Challenge videos often go something like this: “I miss these Challenges.  This is the last time they had a great cast!”  I do miss the silly Challenge seasons of yore, but the current seasons filled with backstabbing and manipulation carried out by cast members desperate for a big payout are enjoyable in a different way.

Whether your last favorite season actually featured cast members of Road Rules, or you’ve witnessed Johnny Bananas’ rise from raspy voiced youngster to the self-proclaimed champ, there’s sure to be something on this list for you.  Without further ado, here are my top ten moments of The Challenge.

10. Sarah Hangs Tough Against Irulan – The Gauntlet (2004)

The Challenge can be a cruel game.  When a team senses weakness, they’re quick to throw that weakness to the wolves.  Sarah was far from the best player on the Road Rules team on the original season on The Gauntlet, so she became the resident whipping girl.  Sarah entered the Gauntlet four times and sent four Real World cast members packing before facing off with Irulan in one last Gauntlet.  This did not end well for Irulan.  Sarah hung cool, like a zen bat, and she defeated her opponent.

Sarah later commented, “I am not a winner.  I haven’t been a winner my entire life.”  Except that she sent five people home and won the grand prize alongside her teammates.  Yeah, Sarah, you are a winner.

09. Jordan Falls Before the Wall – Free Agents (2014)

Jordan was right to think that sending Johnny Bananas home early from the Free Agents competition was a fine idea.  Jordan was wrong to think volunteering to battle the four-time champ in an elimination was the way to accomplish that.  The number one rule of The Challenge is stay out of elimination rounds if at all possible.  Jordan broke that rule and flipped all the kill cards, and what’s worse, the elimination involved using hands and feet to break through a climbing wall.  With only one fully formed hand, Jordan had just enough trouble creating handholds to see his enemy climb away with the win.

During an argument earlier in the season Johnny told Jordan, “I will fucking end you, dude.”  And he did.  He also won the season in his most laborious victory to date.